Play Says “I Love You” And It Speaks Two Dialects

Have you heard of The Five Love Languages?

Words of affirmation. Acts of service. Receiving gifts. Quality time. Physical touch.

Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell wrote a few books about it. I'll drop the link at the end of the blog for you to take the quiz!

Play is quality time and is the love language that says "I love you" to a child and most people don't even know it.

But here's what nobody talks about enough. It speaks in two dialects.

Child-led and adult-led.

Both say "I love you." They just say it in different ways. The families who learn both? They are building something that lasts.

First, What Does Play Have to Do With Love?

Everything.

When a child plays, they are not just having fun. They are learning who they are. They are testing what they can do. They are figuring out if the world is safe and if the people in it can be trusted.

When YOU show up to play with them, fully, phone-down, eyes-up, you answer every single one of those questions with a resounding yes.

Yes, you are safe. Yes, you are loved. Yes, you are worth my time.

That is not a small thing. That is the foundation a whole childhood gets built on.

Every time you choose to play with your child, you are speaking directly to their heart. You’ve got this.

Child-Led Play — “I Trust You”

Child-led play is exactly what it sounds like. They pick the game. They make the rules. They decide that the couch cushions are lava and that you, the adult, are absolutely not allowed to touch the green pillow.

Your job? Follow along.

This is harder than it sounds for us grown-ups. We want to redirect. We want to make it educational. We want to fix the rules so the game makes more sense.

Resist that urge.

When you follow a child’s lead in play, you are sending a message that goes straight to their soul: your ideas are good. Your imagination is worth my full attention. I delight in the way your mind works.

That builds confidence like nothing else can. It builds creativity. It builds a child who grows up believing their voice matters, because the most important adult in their life stopped and listened.

Child-led play doesn’t require supplies, a curriculum, or a plan. It just requires you to say yes and mean it.

You are not just playing pretend. You are building a human who knows they matter. How amazing is that?

Adult-Led Play — “I’m Investing in You”

Adult-led play is when you bring the idea. The challenge. The structure. The new experience they didn’t know they needed.

This is the parent who teaches their kid to kick a ball with the inside of their foot. The grandparent who sits down and shows them how to roll the clay into a snake. The coach who runs the training drill one more time because she knows what the child is capable of, even when the child isn’t sure yet.

Adult-led play says something equally powerful: I see what you can become. I have something to give you and I think you are ready.

This is where skills get built. Where character gets shaped. Where a child learns that challenge is good and that hard things are worth doing.

This is exactly what we had in mind when we built The Perch Practice™. Move. Imagine. Create. Every single minute is intentional. Every activity is designed to stretch something, confidence, character, imagination and connection. That’s not accidental. That’s adult-led love in action.

The fruit shows up When You Do Both

Here’s the secret the research keeps telling us:

Children need both.

They need the freedom of child-led play to develop confidence and creativity. They need the investment of adult-led play to develop character and skills.

One without the other leaves something on the table.

A parent, or a grandparent, or a trusted adult, who shows up for both? That child is getting the full picture. They are learning that they are trusted AND invested in. That their ideas matter AND that someone believes in their potential.

That is a powerful combination.

Here is the best part. You don’t have to be a trained coach to do this. You don’t have to have the perfect activity or the right toy or the most creative idea.

You just have to show up. Fully. Consistently. Phone tucked away, so it doesn’t interrupt your connection time.

You Are the Gift

Read that again. You are the gift when playing with them.

Play is not just something children do. It is the language they speak and every time you step into that language with them, whether you’re the student or the teacher in that moment, what they hear is exactly what you mean:

I love you. I choose you. You are worth every single minute.

I want you to hear something, grown-ups. You are doing something countercultural and courageous every time you choose presence over distraction. Every time you get on the floor. Every time you put the phone down. Every time you show up, as the parent, the grandparent, the trusted adult in that child’s life, you are writing something on their heart that will never be erased.

This is hard. Life is full. Screens are everywhere, and you are choosing differently!

I see you. I’m cheering for you. Keep going.

The Perch Academy exists to give families that time back. Screen-free. Phone-free. Together.

Faith-filled. Research-backed. Screen-free.

With so much love and a giant high five,

Coach Michelle

Founder, The Perch Academy‍ ‍

P.S. This is exactly what we built The Perch for. Come play with us. We saved you a spot.

P.P.S. Here’s the link to the quiz → https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

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