On parenting, sacrifice, and putting down the phone.

By Michelle Dickerhoof

Founder, The Perch Academy

I want to start by saying I am writing this because I have been you. I am a mom of two kids, ages 17 and 20, and I am incredibly proud of both of them. I am a wife of 25 years, and a woman whose faith has carried her through more than she ever expected parenting to bring. I have made mistakes. Big ones, and this is one of them.

Being a parent means giving things up. Sleep, energy, money, time, and even a career. Some people call these personal choices, and they are right, they are choices. Parenting is a choice to sacrifice. It is a choice you make over and over again, for the rest of your life.

We may not always like talking about sacrifice. But we know what it is. We signed up for it the day our child was born. Every new parent feels it. In the sleepless nights, the long days, the tantrums, the dreams quietly pushed aside for another time. No matter how hard it gets, we know deep down that every bit of it was worth it.

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But here is something nobody warns you about. Parenting is exhausting. Not just your body, your heart and mind get very tired too. When we are running on empty, we look for something to help us breathe again, even just for a few minutes.

For me, it was sometimes ice cream. Sometimes a little shopping, ok, maybe a lot of shopping. But the easiest thing, the thing always right there, always available, was my phone. It asked nothing of me. It never needed to be fed, listened to, or driven anywhere. I picked it up all the time, right in front of my kids. I had no idea the damage I was doing, or what I was modeling for them.

Our family got smartphones in 2009. That was the year my daughter Gracie was born. My son Nathan was already three. We still used a camcorder to film her birth, back then, phones were just phones with a camera and video recording on it. Our way of having fun was turning the music up loud in our family room, playing the Black Eyed Peas, or high energy faith-filled music, and Gracie would bounce with her bottle hanging, from her mouth while Nathan ran around like a crazy wildfire. Always a soccer ball or football close by, always laughing together.

It started innocently enough. Videos were taken, photos uploaded to Facebook and Instagram so family all over the world could see. Then, little by little, my phone found its way into my hand all the time. I had it with me just in case, that email I was waiting for, or the text I was waiting to hear back on. Just quickly checking the notifications. Which then became a habit, all the time, over the next fifteen years. Taking pictures, recording videos, sharing every moment. I didn't realize that was what I was modeling, my phone in my hand.

There was no warning label on it. But there should have been a Surgeon General warning, like a pack of cigarettes. Phones are addicting.

I did not know that children mirror what they see. I did not know that every time I reached for that phone, I was showing them what adults do. Over the years, as they became teenagers, what started as a small habit in my hands grew into something I got down on my knees and prayed about. Lord, please free me and my family from this. Free us from not being able to put our phones down.

All those days we argued about putting the phone down, we had quietly built that foundation ourselves. They could not let go of their phones because they had spent years watching us hold ours. They mirrored us. They were doing exactly what we taught them, without a single word ever being spoken.

A decade of this struggle, day in and day out. My husband and I, alongside millions of parents, fighting to pull our teens back from the pull of their phones.

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Then in March 2026, I heard it on the news. A California jury found Meta and YouTube responsible, liable for intentionally addicting a 20 year old Gen Z young woman. The jury found that the platforms were designed to do that, that the companies knew the risks, and that they failed to warn users. Meta was found 70% responsible, YouTube 30%. The companies were ordered to pay $6 million in damages.

My heart dropped when I heard that verdict. It was not just me on my knees praying alone, other parents were walking the same road. It was real. I had known it, seen it, and lived it inside my own home, now the world finally said it out loud.

There is a new epidemic spreading through our families right now and it is quietly doing damage to our children and families. Here is the hardest truth, it does not start with them. It starts with us as parents putting our phones away.

Don't only worry about how much time your child spends on the iPad or your phone. Worry about how much time you spend on your phone, right in front of them.

I am sharing this because I lived it. I am still walking through the ripples of it with my two Gen Z young adults, and I believe the next generation of parents deserves to know this before it is too late for them.

Model what you want your children to become. Put the phone down, not out of guilt, but out of love.

The greatest expression of love is sacrifice. Self-sacrifice by putting the phone down.

You do not have to be a perfect parent, you just have to be a present one. It is never too late to start. Putting the phone down can be challenging, but every challenge presents an opportunity. Be patient with yourself, you are not alone in this and know that there is power in prayer. Millions of parents around the world are fighting this same battle every single day. Don't give up, you've got this!

All our research can be found here.‍ ‍A 2025 study of 561 adolescents aged 14 to 17 found that parental phone use significantly predicted their children's phone use. Adolescents mirror their parents' habits. Gen Z is the first generation that grew up watching their parents on phones, the struggle is real. Anxiety, depression, loneliness, phone addiction. They didn't choose this. We have a chance to break that cycle for the generation coming up behind them. Taylor & Francis Online

Case reference can be found here. K.G.M. v. Meta Platforms, Inc. et al. — Los Angeles County Superior Court, verdict March 25, 2026. A California jury found Meta (Instagram) and Google's YouTube liable for platform design that caused addiction and mental health harm in a young user beginning in childhood. Meta was assigned 70% fault, YouTube 30%. Total damages: $6 million. The verdict is considered a bellwether case that may influence over 2,000 similar pending lawsuits nationwide.